Sunday, January 31, 2010

Attention: This is NOT the bar

Seeing how this is my first post, I thought I would start out by clearing something up: Ladies, (offenders, you know who you are) a day at the office is not the same as a night at the bar. Take a tip from Hermione here on your right and please abstain from the following from this day forward.

1. Slathering on bronzer to that point that it looks like you've just returned from a month-long vacation in the Caribbean. Reasoning?
a. It's glaringly obvious that you haven't left the country based on that distinct white line just beneath your jaw line.
b. Orange is not the new tan. Come to think of it, pale is the new tan.
c. It just looks very...trashy. To put it lightly.

2. Sporting leather and lace, animal print and...well, you get the idea. Reasoning?
I will never forget walking into the office one day to find a co-worker strutting around in a skin-tight, leopard print dress with lace embellishments all over the place. A tip to all you self-respecting women out there: unless you want to be the the subject of water-cooler gossip for the rest of your career, avoid making the same mistake as my former colleague. Please.

3. Teetering around in 4-inch, strappy stilettos. Reasoning?
a. It's going to be embarrassing when you wipe out in front of everyone at the office - the fall is inevitable, I've seen it happen.
b. This is not Vogue.
c. I'm jealous and will steal them off your feet, resulting in me losing my job and facing an ugly lawsuit.

Let this be a lesson to women everywhere: Please refrain from causing me to choke on my morning coffee (which I SO look forward to) upon seeing your outfit. Always check the mirror and everybody wins:)